Thursday, July 18, 2013

Winding Down

July is quickly coming to a close, and I will soon start school. Cross-country officially starts the first Monday in August, and from that point on my after-school time will be consumed first with the sport. If I have time left over, then I can train. If last year is an example, that's not likely to be much.

So it's left to make the most of what remains. There are two races yet to be run; the Border Challenge and the Age Group Nationals. Allen asked me today if I was ready... my answer was I was trained as I was going to get. The truth is after this week I should really be tapering. I could still do some sharp workouts next week, maybe even the week after, but it's coming down to crunch time. I wouldn't call myself nervous, rather I find myself wishing I was better trained in the running. I did what I could do, so it will have to sustain me.

Pressure is a funny thing. There are two basic types, internal and external, and I think people roughly break down into those categories. Some people are completely unflappable, absolutely bereft of internal forces and only inconvenienced by the external pressed upon them by others. These people are few and far between in my opinion. More common are people who either place a lot of pressure on themselves or have it placed upon them by others.

I tend to believe that successful people place the pressure upon themselves because they expect a lot from themselves. They have higher standards if you will, and though observers might wonder why they press themselves so hard, to the individual there simply isn't any other way. I think of Galloway in particular when I visualize this type of person.

As for myself, I am internally driven for the most part. Let's face it, no one really cares how I do in a race but me. No one cares how fast any part of the race is but me. Sure, my friends are happy when I do well, but honestly, which of you has lost sleep over the prospect I won't meet a time goal (other than those of you who have placed breakfast bets)? If I'm being brutally honest, it doesn't matter to me what anyone thinks I should or shouldn't do. I might use it as a guide to formulate a goal, much the same way someone uses advice in some situations, but I'm never afraid I might disappoint someone with an inferior performance.

So when folks make race predictions for me, even placing bets, I think that's fun, but it doesn't touch me at all in a positive or negative way. I apply the brutal calculus of my training numbers and consider whether or not they are valid posits. Nothing personal at all. I think I wanted to clarify this because of recent events where bets and predictions were made for others, bets in which I took part. Nothing personal here - we were talking breakfast! You all did a great job and should be proud of your efforts. Two of you did race distances for the first time. You disappointed no one.

So back to the original thought... am I nervous? No, at least, not in that way. I have set an arbitrary goal for myself that no one else on the planet cares about, a goal I've chased since I became a triathlete. It's the same goal I have every summer. This year has been a teaser, because I unexpectedly started well, then had a bad piece of luck, and now I am in a position to have a shot to finish it off. I still need a lot of good luck, and maybe this will be the year, but no matter which way it goes, the only person that really cares is me. I feel I've trained enough to have a chance, so long as the things I cannot control don't interfere.

And that gives me peace.

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